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Sexual Shame And Guilt

An unprecedented number of people are experiencing destructive levels of shame and guilt as they wrestle with their sexual desires in a world that they were unprepared for. Sexual education, the little that there is, is largely shaped and influenced by moral and religious beliefs. Abstinence only education teaches that not only is sex to be within the confines of marriage, which I agree, it also teaches that all forms of sexual discovery within their own bodies are to be resisted until marriage, which I disagree. Purity is the other concept that is highly desired, but again sexual discovery within your own body before marriage is considered impure, which I disagree. The purity movement introduced sex education with the notion that our sexual urges are immoral and that we are pure when we resist those urges entirely. The purity movement honors the female sexuality of relationship and intimacy within your partner in marriage. But the male sexuality of overflowing sexual urges for pleasure with the body are to be rejected and despised as evil, sometimes even within the context of marriage. Teenagers hitting puberty are left to their own devises to learn about their sexual urges all on their own. It is assumed that they will simply figure it our once they get married. They will just magically flip on the "on switch" on their wedding night and the "off switch" would magically do its job in the meantime. The problem is that the result of all of this drives people away from God. A man has to physically masturbate on an average of once every 3 days. So every time a man musters up the courage to fight the good fight, and that he's gonna really do it this time, once every 3 days on average he experiences failure, shame, guilt, defeat, and self hatred. He could just masturbate guilt and shame free and go on about his life productively, but instead he tortures himself and anguishes in self hatred and defeat. He is running away from God and not to him. He is torn between his desire to be a good Christian and his sexual urges that keep coming back for more. God can not use this man unless he is set free from this bondage.

The problem is that God designed human beings to hit puberty as an early teenager. God did not make a mistake and mistime this. And young couples are not getting married early anymore. Society combined with the economy creates a situation where a young man must go off to college before he can get a good job and afford a family. Then out of college they must establish themselves in the workforce before they get themselves out of debt or start making any real money if they are lucky enough to do that much. So they are lucky to comfortably marry in their upper 20's, and many times even later. So these teen years and years in their 20's they are at their sexual primes, exploding with sexual urges they can't control. But the church doesn't have any answers that fits the reality in which they are living. The church says to resist these urges and remain pure until marriage. The reason that this never happens these days anymore is because it's not possible. God didn't create us to be exploding with sexual urges at the only time in our lives that we have to completely deny our sexual urges. That doesn't make sense. So what is going on here?

The mind/body split is the notion that our souls and our bodies are two different things, and that our bodies are mired in the evils of the physical world, while our souls can, and should transcend our base desires. This root rejection of our physical experiences, and the perception of sexuality as the most tempting, corrupting aspect of our physical lives, led to millennia of sexual shame, where sexuality is portrayed as a weakness. Those who abstain, who take vows of chastity, are seen as most pure. Sadly, that leaves all the rest of us as tainted. Sexual shame is not solely a religious issue, but it is in the religious communities where we are now seeing this problem reach epidemic levels. Atheists who watch porn rarely report concerns or problems with it, while the strength of a person’s religious beliefs and moral condemnation of porn, predicts that they will feel addicted to porn, regardless of how little they watch. Religious people are at heightened risk of developing sexual disorders, and feeling at a loss to deal with them or get help. Sadly, when people within religious communities seek help for their sexual concerns, they are most often told to suppress or “battle” their sexuality, or sent to pseudo treatments such as sex or porn addiction programs, where their sexual desires are portrayed as a form of sickness. Shame creates a feedback loop of pain, fear, dysfunction and self-hatred, which is the true root of most sexual problems.

I hope that the pages on this topic available to you have allowed you to see the truth of God's word on these polarizing topics on sex. The truth really does set you free. 
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